Question of the Week:
I am so annoyed with the world. Everyone treats me badly, everyone is so self-absorbed, nobody really cares. I try to be nice but never get anything in return. I am not sure it is worth it. Why should I be good to others when they can't reciprocate?
Answer:
You can change this pattern. But you have to change yourself.
There is a penetrating teaching by the master of souls, the Baal Shem Tov. He says that when you look at another person, you are really looking in the mirror. The things that annoy you most in others are the things that annoy you most about yourself. The reason you notice them in your fellow is because they are inside you, they are familiar, and they bother you, because they are yours.
If you didn't suffer from the same issue you simply wouldn't be able to recognise it in another person. You have to identify with something to be effected by it. If it pushes your buttons, it's because they are your buttons.
So if you think everyone around you is so self-absorbed, if all you can see in others is selfishness...
We are all a bit selfish. But if you can see nothing but selfishness around you, you are too stuck in your own experience of things and not seeing how they look from the other's perspective. Like the man who complained to his Rebbe, "When I go to Shul everyone walks all over me." To which the Rebbe replied, "If you wouldn't spread yourself all over the Shul, people would be able to avoid stepping on you. But you haven't left any room for anyone else to step..."
You have a good soul. So do most of the people around you. Love your fellow, and then you can love yourself.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss
Source:
Meor Einayim Parshas Chukas