Question of the Week
Is it permissible to have two wedding ceremonies? My fiance and I are from two different countries, and with all the travel restrictions we thought to have two Chuppahs, one with each of our families. Is that allowed?
Answer
If the Jewish wedding were just a ceremony, then it would be fine to repeat it. But it is not a ceremony. It is much more than that.
A ceremony is a symbolic gesture, a public event that celebrates a milestone. An example would be a graduation ceremony. People wear funny hats and long robes (like I do every day) and receive a piece of paper wrapped in a ribbon, so they can get a photo of themselves wearing a funny hat and long robes holding a certificate wrapped in a ribbon.
If the whole thing never happened, if it was canceled, or you slept in and missed it, you still would have graduated. The ceremony is no more than just that, a ceremonial celebration of something that has already happened. If you studied, passed your exams, but skipped the graduation, you are still qualified.
A wedding is not a ceremony. The Chuppah is not a celebration of your relationship, it is the creation of a new relationship. You arrive at the Chuppah a single person. You leave it married. Your souls have become united, your lives intertwined forever. The customs and laws of the Chuppah are spiritual tools to achieve this soul union.
Big stuff is happening under that canopy. And it can't happen without you. If you didn't make it to your Chuppah because you slept in that day, you wouldn't be married. Some things, like your graduation ceremony, can happen without you. Your Chuppah can't. It's not a ceremony. It's your life.
That's why you can't have two Chuppahs. Once you've been there, you've done that. The blessings are too holy to be unnecessarily repeated. So while perhaps you could do a mock wedding, you can't do it for real.
Here's another suggestion. Fly together to the other location soon after the Chuppah, and hold a second celebration. Not a Chuppah, but a party, with dancing, speeches and a video showing highlights of the Chuppah. If it's within a week of the Chuppah, you can recite the wedding blessings during grace after the meal. Some say you can do that even within thirty days. The truth is, for at least a year after the Chuppah you are still called the bride and groom.
This is not second best, it's a beautiful way to start your married life. In fact, all couples should do it. Get married once, and then keep on celebrating for a lifetime.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss
Sources:
Tikkunei Zohar 10b-11a