Question of the Week
I have been sitting Shiva after the passing of my father. Because of the circumstances no one is able to visit, but I have appreciated the calls and messages. As painful as it all is, I have to say that I am a little reluctant to leave this bubble. I wanted to know, what happens on the last day? How do I formally end Shiva? Do I just change clothes and that's it?
Answer:
You have not been sitting alone. Your father's soul is next to you.
The Jewish mystics teach that in the early days after death, the soul is not yet ready to move on from this world. During the seven days of mourning, the soul of the departed hovers around the Shiva house. Over the course of the week, the soul gradually starts to let go of its place in the physical realm. Then, at the end of the Shiva, the soul floats away to find its place of rest.
The journey of the soul finding rest closely mirrors the journey of the mourners coming to terms with the loss. The seven days of mourning allow the surviving relatives to experience the grief, face the loss and come to some level of acceptance that things will never be the same. It is a time to acclimatise to the major adjustment in your reality. It takes a week for that to just sink in. Then starts the long and slow process of healing and moving forward.
On the morning of the seventh day, there is a custom for mourners to conclude the Shiva by going for a walk around the block. This serves a dual purpose, for the mourners and for the departed soul.
For the mourners, it is a step back into the outside world. They observe that life has gone on, the world is going about its business, and so must we all. As hard as it may be, and though the pain will not just disappear, we must walk out of Shiva and into the world. We honour the dead by going back to our lives.
But there is another meaning behind the walk around the block. We are accomanying the soul of the departed on its onward journey. They will always be watching over us, and their presence will always be felt, but we need to let them go to higher places. As they move to their next stage, so do we.
You end Shiva by going for a walk. May you find comfort and strength on that path, and may your father's soul find peace.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Moss
Sources:
Taamei Mitzvos Arizal Vayechi
Darkei Chesed 25:11