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Dreaming of an Ex-Girlfriend?

Sunday, 1 March, 2020 - 9:49 pm


Question of the Week:


An ex girlfriend (who I believed was my soul mate) broke up with me almost 10 years ago. I treated her poorly so it's no wonder.  I am now married (to another girl) with kids but still dream of my ex every now and then. What's interesting is I rarely have dreams of my wife. Could this be Hashem's way of punishing me for treating my ex so badly?




I don't know why Hashem does things. But seems to me your conscience is playing on you here. Your dreams might actually be expressions not of long lost love but rather long lost guilt. 


There is someone from your past whom you mistreated. You owe them an apology. But I'm not sure you should actually apologise. Contacting your ex may open up feelings that are better left locked away. And it also might upset your wife. She has to come first. You can only contact your ex with your wife's permission. 


On the other hand, maybe this isn't about guilt at all. Perhaps deep down you're just looking for an excuse to reopen something that should be kept closed. Either way, you need to end that relationship once and for all. Accept that the past is the past and move on. 


Your soulmate is the person you married. Under the chuppah your souls became one. Just because a woman appears in your dreams, doesn't make her the woman of your dreams. Focus your energies on real life, and your real wife. 


Good Shabbos,

Rabbi Moss

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