Weekly Email by Rabbi Moss

When Was Adam's Mid-Life Crisis?

Monday, October 28, 2019 - 6:33 PM

Question of the Week:

Can you explain why Genesis describes the lifespan of the early generations as being incredibly long? Adam is said to have died at age 930, Noah was almost 500 when he started building the ark (not bad!) and Methuselah lived a world record 969 years! So what happened? Why don't we live that long anymore?

Answer:

The longevity of our patriarchs raises several questions. What does it feel like to hit 900? When did they have their mid-life crisis? Were centenarians getting up to teenage mischief? Did parents tell their children, "Stop acting like a forty year old!"?

Whatever the case, we find that the first few generations lived extremely long, and then after Noah's fl… Read More »

What Your Wife DIDN'T Say

Monday, October 28, 2019 - 6:32 PM

Question of the Week:

My very devout wife says I shouldn't miss Simchas Torah, as it is the most important festival of the year. I countered that the Torah speaks of no such festival, so how could it be so important? She said I should ask the rabbi. So I am.

Answer:

There are two types of good husbands. I'm not sure which one you are.

One is the type of husband that does whatever his wife asks. If she says, "Can you pick up some eggplants?" he says "Sure." If she asks for a new watch, he buys it. If she says "This house needs painting" he calls a painter. If she complains that the air-conditioning is on too strong, he turns it off.

He is a good husband. But he is not an amazin… Read More »

Post Yom Kippur Blues?

Tuesday, October 15, 2019 - 10:06 PM

Question of the Week:

I think I have the post Yom Kippur blues. Every year I get all inspired by the fast, and am sure that I will be more committed to Judaism in the year ahead. But somehow it dissipates pretty quick (like around the third mouthful after breaking the fast). I don't want to lose it again this year. Any suggestions?

Answer:

I know just what you need. You need to be swaddled.

A newborn baby, moments after birth, is taken by a midwife and wrapped up in a swaddling cloth. This serves to keep the newborn protected and warm. Having just emerged from the security and nurture of the womb, the baby is particularly vulnerable and sensitive. A good swaddling cloth gives him a sense of protec… Read More »

Fast Food on Yom Kippur?

Wednesday, October 9, 2019 - 9:39 PM

Question of the Week:

As you know, I love food, so Yom Kippur is not my favourite day of the year. Is the idea that we are punishing ourselves for our sins? Maybe we can do that some other way, like banging our head on a wall. I'd happily do that if I could eat...

Answer:

A man called his elderly Jewish mother, who was living in a faraway retirement home. "Mum, how are you feeling?"

"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "It's not so surprising. I haven't eaten in 28 days, I shouldn't be weak?"

"That's terrible," says her son. "… Read More »

Are You In This Relationship or Not?

Wednesday, October 2, 2019 - 1:05 AM

Question of the Week:

Here is something I always wondered: Why is Rosh Hashana before Yom Kippur? If Rosh Hashana is the day of judgement, and Yom Kippur is the day of forgiveness, then it would make more sense to do it the other way around: First give us a chance to fix our mistakes, then judge us for the year to come. No?

Answer:

I was once asked to counsel a couple having marriage issues. They sat in front of me, and within five seconds each one let loose with a barrage of accusations against the other.

"He never listens to a thing I say."

"Well if she wouldn't scream at me maybe I would."

"Well if you would listen the first time maybe I … Read More »